Non-Verbal

Having a non-verbal toddler is hard. A normal toddler has trouble expressing and handling their emotions, but they can communicate their simple needs and thoughts.

Mateo can’t even tell me when he is thirsty or hungry or hurt. He can’t tell me anything. It is beyond frustrating for everyone involved. It is even more frustrating for me, a unicorn in the autism community. I have a way with words. I can, in a normal and calm situation, express myself and my feelings very efficiently. I wasn’t always proficient, but I never had an issue with simple communication. It is endlessly frustrating for me, the person that spends the most time with him. The majority of meeting his needs falls on me. How do I meet all his needs if I don’t know what half of those needs are?

When he was tiny, he would cry and I would know that he needed something. With infants, you go through the checklist. Does he need:

1. A diaper change
2. A bath
3. To nurse
4. Medicine for teething
5. To be held?

Their needs are so simple when they are little. As they grow, their needs become more complicated.

Mateo sometimes needs emotional support. His empathy makes him sensitive to parts in movies where people aren’t being nice. If someone’s feelings are hurt, he will cry. But how do I tell when his feelings are hurt? One upset grunt is barely distinguishable from the next. Often, I can’t tell what is upsetting him.

He doesn’t eat every two hours anymore. He hasn’t nursed since he was 1.5 years old. He can’t pull at my shirt, pat my chest, or do the sign for milk anymore. He has found ways to non-verbally communicate that he wants food, but are we getting it all? Is he naughty sometimes because he’s trying to tell us he’s hungry and we just aren’t getting it? We have no clue!

He is a tall, little dude. I’m sure that he has growing pains from time to time. But he has no way to tell us that that’s what’s going on. I feel so bad. When he’s in pain, I want to help him feel better. But how do I tell the difference between being naughty because he’s bored and being naughty because he’s in pain?

Just last week, he had a cold. He was being a little a-hole* for two days and I had no clue what was going on. He gave no clue about what was bothering him. The evening of the second day, he had a fever. 102.4 degrees. He was miserable. I’m sure he had body aches for those two days, but he couldn’t tell me! He went almost two whole days miserable and in pain and I didn’t do anything about it. I felt like a bad mom. I felt like I should have known, but how could I??

He is slowly, with the help of ABA, making more and more noises that sound like words. He is working harder to communicate with us and things are improving. I have hope that the future looks bright, but some days are just discouraging.

I know there are others that have been in my shoes and survived. Hello, are you out there? If you have any advice, I am open to becoming mom-friends.

Seeking Help,

Allie.

 

*I know that calling your kid an “a-hole” is taboo, but sometimes kids are a-holes! I’m just calling it like I see it.