Things are going back to normal. I want to spend time with my friends again! I’m cooking again!
Speaking of, that smells good. I should probably go stir it!
Sloppy Joes tonight!
Food is amazing. I can eat my favorite snacks and meals. There are a few exceptions and some foods I can’t eat, of course. The baby really doesn’t like chicken. Cravings currently consist of fruits, cheeses, Totino’s pizza, lunchables, and pasta. The ability to pick up one of my passions again is even more amazing. Cooking makes me so happy. My happiness makes the baby happy too.
We found out the gender. We are having a baby boy! His name will be Marc.
He gets bigger every day and so do I. I feel huge! I’m only 5 ½ months pregnant, but I look like I could be further along. Sitting up is hard. Getting out of bed is hard. Bending over is hard. Basically any activity having to do with my lower body is out of the question. You want me to put on shoes? Nope. I’m wearing slippers because they don’t have laces for me to tie.
Kicks and movements are bigger and more frequent. Moises can feel him moving now. It’s a mix of magical and uncomfortable, feeling a tiny person moving inside of me. He kicks when I eat, drink tea, take baths, cook, and lay down to go to sleep. He moves a lot when Moises is around and when I’m Skyping with family.
I don’t spend much time outside of our apartment, so I haven’t experienced strangers touching my belly. I’m still unsure how I’m going to handle that. As is, even my friends have asked for permission before touching my belly. I don’t mind that. It’s an amazing thing, life growing inside of another person and being able to feel it. I don’t blame them for wanting to feel him move. I constantly have my hand in place, just in case he moves.
I haven’t been very good about tying my posts to AS recently. My posts have mostly been about keeping my readers updated. A more Aspie-significant post will hopefully be underway soon. Thank you for staying with me.
The pregnancy is much better now. I’m starting to get a belly and I can eat again! My next ultrasound is this week and we should be finding out the gender. I feel the baby moving a lot. It’s kind of amazing. Exciting!
But with the extra hormones come extra sensitivity. I don’t like being touched anymore. If I don’t give you permission to touch me, I don’t want you to touch me. Don’t touch my belly. I don’t remember a day in my life that I have been so anti-touch. It’s an odd thing for me. But wait! There’s more! For the first time, that I can remember, I don’t want to spend any time with my friends. Not any at all. It’s too stressful. I’d rather just be home alone. If I spend time with them, I have to pay attention to their problems, give them advice, and deal with their emotions. It’s exhausting. I have to work harder to be a good friend and pretend that I want their company. It’s a terrible thing to fake. I hate it. It’s not their fault. It’s not that I don’t care for them or that I don’t like them. I’m just so much more easily overwhelmed right now. I’ve started having Meltdowns again. It’s not fun.
With one friend, there’s no avoiding it. She’s living with me right now. I can’t ignore phone calls and texts because she’s in my livingroom. I can’t fake sleeping all day because I don’t feel like being around anyone. I no longer have a box to retreat to. It’s stressing me out to no end. Not to mention that my husband has been gone, in the field, while most of this has been happening. (With him, it’s just different. He doesn’t overwhelm me. He doesn’t make me feel like hiding. He’s a part of me and it’s just not the same as with other people.)
I feel like a horrible person and a terrible friend, but I honestly have zero control over how easily overwhelmed I am at the moment. Just yesterday, I curled up in Moises’ arms and told him “It’s gotten worse. My Asperger Syndrome has gotten worse.” I didn’t know that it could change so drastically. It took me a long time to get to where I’m at, and pregnancy hormones have dropped me down quite a few notches; overnight and without warning. As if everything else in my life weren’t enough to incapacitate me.
It’s hard and it’s hurting the people I care about. I guess pregnancy just isn’t easy on me, period.