I thought that Moises going to the field was bad when we were in separate states. We texted less, we didn’t talk on the phone at all, and he had less occasion to charge his phone. It is much more of a struggle now that we’re living together. I knew it would happen. I know that other people have it worse. I try my best to not complain. But here I am explaining the situation, because it does suck and it has an effect on my life.
After adjusting to living with another human being (one to whom you have a strong attachment), it’s hard to suddenly live without them. The first time he went to the field wasn’t too long after I moved to El Paso. I didn’t know anyone. I didn’t know where anything was. I didn’t go anywhere. I was lost. Phone conversations with family and friends help with survival, but can only do so much. I kept very busy during the day, so as to exhaust myself and make it easier to sleep without him at night. I did everything I could, but I still didn’t handle it very well. It was rough. I just want to sit on the couch and have Netflix marathons with my furry babies.
I don’t even cook when Moises is gone. It feels weird cooking for just one person and I tend to lose my appetite in the middle of the meal. Cup of noodles and canned soups for this girl. When he comes home, though, it’s the greatest feeling ever. I always try to make it special. I’ll make some sort of new food or I’ll buy a new dress from Goodwill and wear it when I pick him up.
He’s been to the field several times since then, and I handle it better every time. It’s still lonely. It still sucks, but I get through it. And I know it’s hard on Moises too. He hates it out there. No shower, no bed, no wife to cuddle with, staying up for missions or because it’s his turn to be on watch, and it may just be time to “practice” (my words) out there, but his men still get injured and he has to take care of them. Every time, he can’t wait to come home.
As an Aspie, it’s hard because I’m alone, far from anything I know, and still uncomfortable with my surroundings. I still have to go to work, clean, pay bills, go shopping, etc. without him. I still have to live. Life doesn’t stop when he’s gone. The world keeps spinning.
It’s gotten easier since I’ve made friends. I can spend time with them while he’s gone, but I often don’t. I guess Moises being gone just puts me in a funk. I don’t feel like going anywhere or doing anything. When I do force myself to go out and spend time with people outside of work, it’s fun!
Being with friends is more a relief than it is a stressor. Human contact is necessary for sanity and survival. It simply is. People aren’t meant to be alone. Not even people on the spectrum are meant to be completely alone, even if other people stress them out. My new friends are interesting and crazy in their own ways, and perfect for the little group that we’ve become. I really appreciate their help in getting through the lonely days, even if it’s just hanging out for a little while and having a Netflix marathon together.
In the end, I survive in any way that I can and look forward to the day Moises comes home.
So we can play more games together and stuff!