Archive | October 2012

Selfish and Self Serving

I’ve not written in a while, and I really feel guilty about it. I’ve considered making excuses for myself, but none of them seem to explain why I have not written or not been able to write anything of substance since June. Not to say that I haven’t been a little busy as of late. My family is moving and that keeps me pretty occupied, but that’s only been going on recently. It’s been months since I’ve written. I was reminded a few weeks ago of all the groups for support for those with HFA-AS that I am a part of on FB. It made me think about how I’ve just put everything in those groups and on this blog on hold for no legitimate reason. It seems that I’ve forgotten my purpose, my goal in doing those things. I set out to help others with HFA-AS overcome the difficulties that are presented to them with having HFA-AS. And I’ve not been doing that.

I don’t know. I may have reached a plateau. I have not made any large or significant steps in my Asperger Syndrome. I live day-to-day and seem to run into very little issue. Every once in a while, I run into a little bump of social ineptitude, but for the most part, I seem to be almost “normal”. I’m not sure how I should feel about this. There are still some things on which I need to improve, but I feel almost happy to be staying in the place that I am. Sure, I can still look back on years ago and know that I’m in a better place now, but I’ve not made any significant progress in quite some time.

I still don’t understand some things, like sarcasm (which my boyfriend points out quite a lot)* and my emotions still aren’t always clear and easy to explain. Last week, I also ran into an issue of misunderstanding because my facial expression did not match my internal emotion. I guess I never really realized the kind of impact my facial expression has on how people react to me and my words. I really don’t think that there’s any way to change my facial expression to match my feelings because I’m not in control of my facial expressions, especially in times of extreme or strong emotion. The only way that I can think of to maybe help prevent this type of misunderstanding is communication. Once I talked to the person with whom the misunderstanding happened, he understood. I simply told him that my facial expression doesn’t always match how I’m feeling. It’s like the wires connecting my face to my emotions have been unplugged, messed up, and plugged into the wrong place. It’s best to communicate to people that this is not something that’s under your control, and ask them to have you verbally explain your emotions so that there is no confusion.

I can’t make any promises about writing more often. I will write about things as they happen. What I will say is that I will make an effort to write about things more often.


*For those of you that have been with me, reading these posts for at least a little while, this mention of a boyfriend is quite significant. Yes. I have a boyfriend now. It’s only something that’s happened recently. I met him on Facebook about four months ago. We both commented on a mutual friend’s post. Since then, we’ve talked all day, every day. We’ve gotten to know each other very well. Well enough to be able to call each other “best friend”. He came to visit me and meet my family, and while he was here, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I, obviously, accepted the offer. He knows all about me having Asperger Syndrome. He’s patient with me while I’m trying to find the words to explain how I’m feeling. He helps me to understand social things that I don’t get, like sarcasm. Hahahahaha. He doesn’t mind that I may be a little different or strange. I’m happy with him and couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend. Who knows, maybe I’ll get him to write something about being with me for the blog. Maybe. Doubtful though.