Archive | May 2014

Flowers, Invites, and Favors. Oh My!

Wedding planning is hard under normal circumstances. But nothing having to do with me has really ever been normal, so why did I expect more normalcies with this? Silly me.

 

 

Here are some examples of how my wedding is straying from the normal/ list of my complaints/ (let’s be honest) everything about my wedding:

*We can’t have a big wedding and invite everyone we know. We can’t afford it. (Honestly, I prefer it this way. A big wedding would have freaked me out. Can you say “possible meltdown”?) Guest list-under forty.

*We worry about people being hurt or offended because they aren’t invited. We don’t want to hurt the feelings of those we love, but we can’t invite everyone. It’s a delicate balance.

*Do I have my handsome groom here to help me? Not in person, no. I send him pictures; we talk about things and make decisions. But it might be a little easier if we were able to do these things together, in person.

*Isn’t it super nice and easy to plan a wedding where my parents live while I’m in San Jose? No, not really. It’s frustrating. Half the time, I’m messaging my mom and her best friend about the details and all the things I need to check and make sure to do on my short visits with my parents.

*It’ll be in the summer, so I’m wearing a short, flowy dress instead of the usual full length wedding gown. I hate wearing uncomfortable, heavy clothes in the first place. Add summer heat to that, and I’d be a bit cranky. Plus, they’re expensive.

*Bride’s Maids and Groom’s Men? How about no? With less than forty guests, it would be silly to have Bride’s Maids and Groom’s Men. Half the audience would be standing up next to us. (Not really, but you get the point.)

*Who ever said that the bride has to match the wedding colors? We picked purple and white for our colors, but the accents for my bridal getup are blue, to match his dress blues. Whoops?

*I’m doing my best to find addresses for everyone that we will send notifications to; all the people that we aren’t able to invite.

*The wedding is in July. Have we set a date? Nope. Have we sent out invitations yet? Nope. We can’t send invitations until we have a date, of course. All we know is that it’ll be in July some time. From my perspective, this is why-

The Medic: “So, I need the dates for leave. I’m getting married when I go home.”

The Army: “Well, we could tell you, but we don’t feel like it. Maybe come back around mid-June. We’ll give you the exact dates then.”

Me: (all the way in California) “Uggghhhhh!!!! I need to set a date so I can send invitations to people!! I hate you right now, Army. You’re lucky you’re not dealing with me.” (Insert rage face)

*I have a simple and sweet honeymoon planned. Well, mostly. I would have it planned, but I can’t book anything until we set a date. (Rage face continues)

(Breathe, Allison. Breathe. Everything will be alright. Some of the really important things have been taken care of.)

*Our parents have met, approve of our union, and are helping us with the wedding.

*Who needs catering when your guest list is small and your parents are good cooks? Not us, that’s for sure. Yum.

*My bridal outfit is already taken care of and he doesn’t have to worry about getting a tux. He has his dress blues! (Super cute)

*We’re both healthy and feel no need to “get fit” to fit into our wedding clothes.

*We’re going to offer the ability to watch the wedding, over Skype, to those that are too far away/people we aren’t able to invite.

*My old youth pastor has agreed to do the service, free of charge.

*The wedding, ceremony and reception, will be in my parents’ back yard, also free of charge.

*I will turn 21 soon and will be able to sample champagne for my wedding.

*Certain special songs will be done live, by musical family. Awesome.

And on, and on, and on. This small, simple wedding is so much more complicated than it looks. Needless to say, my stress levels are on a rollercoaster that sometimes goes through the roof.

If I had it my way, I would have had everything planned by now so that all that’s left is the execution. But, like most things in life, I’m not going to have it my way. Things are left unplanned and not taken care of, for now, because of things out of my control, and I need to be okay with that. A few mini-meltdowns (or what NT’s consider “stress induced crying”) could definitely be in order; I’m not a super hero.

Add onto this living at Job Corps, working, going to school, and starting the process for exiting Job Corps, and we get a whole lot of crazy. Mucho crazy. How I’m not institutionalized yet, I don’t know.

Well, at least things are moving along. Once this is all over, I’m sure that I’ll look back and think of what a wonderful day it was. For now, I just have to concentrate on keeping calm. Everything will fall into place the way that it should.

 

Breathing,

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This entry was posted on May 22, 2014. 1 Comment

The Bracelet to the Future

When I was eighteen, my parents gave me a special bracelet. They sat me down and had dinner with me as they explained it to me. This bracelet had six beads on it. The beads were separated by pretty little rings that had dangling pearls on them. It was the most beautiful thing that had ever been given to me. This bracelet, however, came with a price.

 

“You can only take this bracelet if you promise to give the beads away. If you can’t promise that, we’ll take this bracelet back right now and get our money back.”

 

At first, I didn’t understand what they meant, but I agreed. “Freely you have received, freely you shall give.” I’ve heard my parents say that all my life, so I figured it must be a good thing. They explained to me that my bracelet told a story. Each of the six beads stood for something.

 

#1: First time holding hands with a man.

#2: First time kissing a man.

#3: First time saying “I love you” and meaning it.

#4: First time introducing a man to my family.

#5: First time being engaged.

#6: First time being married.

{This only applies to events after receiving the bracelet.}

 

The bracelet told my story.

 

“If you’re smart, you’ll have all six beads again because they’ll all go to the same man.”

 

My parents also gave me the receipts and told me how much everything had cost. It was expensive, and meant to show me that doing these things comes with a price. When I hold hands, kiss, and love a person, I’m giving part of myself, something valuable, to them.

 

I met my previous boyfriend, Shawn, and I fell hard. I gave him the three of the first four beads in the four months that I dated him. This means that he is forever a part of my story. I held his hand. I kissed him. I introduced him to my family. Those beads, I can never get back. They belong to Shawn forever, to do with as he pleases. I don’t know what he’s done with them. I sometimes wonder where they are. I wonder if he understands how valuable they are. I wonder if he understands how valuable the pieces of me are; the pieces that I gave to him, the pieces of myself that I can never get back. I didn’t really write in my blog about how much I hurt and how depressed I was after Shawn broke up with me. The precious, valuable pieces I gave to him were gone and I felt empty, like my bracelet.

 

I packed away my special bracelet and didn’t look at it. When I moved to San Jose, I put it deep in a box somewhere. I felt it looked pathetic, missing three of the six beads. I didn’t want to be reminded of what had happened. I didn’t want to be reminded of the pain.

 

Now that I am in a relationship with The Medic, I have to look at the bracelet again. I have to explain the missing parts and tell him that the beads that I gave to someone else will not be his. I still have three beads left, the most beautiful out of the six; love, engagement, and marriage. These three, I feel, are the most important. These three are my future. Holding hands and kissing are present day things, but engagement and marriage are the future. I can live with not knowing where the other three beads are as long as I know where the last three are forever.

 

 

IMG_2294

 

 

My readers,

If you are reading this post, I have given one of my last two beads to someone special. If you are reading this, The Medic and I are now engaged. I couldn’t be happier. I’m looking at my future. And I’m looking forward to a future with my fiancé.

 

Going off of what I’ve heard from multiple Aspies, I can safely say that romantic relationships are really hard for them. They fall hard, and become attached really quickly. And when they’re dumped, they fall even harder. Because of the strong attachment and trust put into the relationship, it hurts; a lot. I’ve been extremely blessed to have my fiancé in my life. My hope is that all of my Aspie readers can have something like that too. I also hope that they can find love without all of hurt that I went through on my way to this point.

 

Ecstatic,

Allie.

This entry was posted on May 8, 2014. 4 Comments