The Bracelet to the Future

When I was eighteen, my parents gave me a special bracelet. They sat me down and had dinner with me as they explained it to me. This bracelet had six beads on it. The beads were separated by pretty little rings that had dangling pearls on them. It was the most beautiful thing that had ever been given to me. This bracelet, however, came with a price.


“You can only take this bracelet if you promise to give the beads away. If you can’t promise that, we’ll take this bracelet back right now and get our money back.”


At first, I didn’t understand what they meant, but I agreed. “Freely you have received, freely you shall give.” I’ve heard my parents say that all my life, so I figured it must be a good thing. They explained to me that my bracelet told a story. Each of the six beads stood for something.


#1: First time holding hands with a man.

#2: First time kissing a man.

#3: First time saying “I love you” and meaning it.

#4: First time introducing a man to my family.

#5: First time being engaged.

#6: First time being married.

{This only applies to events after receiving the bracelet.}


The bracelet told my story.


“If you’re smart, you’ll have all six beads again because they’ll all go to the same man.”


My parents also gave me the receipts and told me how much everything had cost. It was expensive, and meant to show me that doing these things comes with a price. When I hold hands, kiss, and love a person, I’m giving part of myself, something valuable, to them.


I met my previous boyfriend, Shawn, and I fell hard. I gave him the three of the first four beads in the four months that I dated him. This means that he is forever a part of my story. I held his hand. I kissed him. I introduced him to my family. Those beads, I can never get back. They belong to Shawn forever, to do with as he pleases. I don’t know what he’s done with them. I sometimes wonder where they are. I wonder if he understands how valuable they are. I wonder if he understands how valuable the pieces of me are; the pieces that I gave to him, the pieces of myself that I can never get back. I didn’t really write in my blog about how much I hurt and how depressed I was after Shawn broke up with me. The precious, valuable pieces I gave to him were gone and I felt empty, like my bracelet.


I packed away my special bracelet and didn’t look at it. When I moved to San Jose, I put it deep in a box somewhere. I felt it looked pathetic, missing three of the six beads. I didn’t want to be reminded of what had happened. I didn’t want to be reminded of the pain.


Now that I am in a relationship with The Medic, I have to look at the bracelet again. I have to explain the missing parts and tell him that the beads that I gave to someone else will not be his. I still have three beads left, the most beautiful out of the six; love, engagement, and marriage. These three, I feel, are the most important. These three are my future. Holding hands and kissing are present day things, but engagement and marriage are the future. I can live with not knowing where the other three beads are as long as I know where the last three are forever.






My readers,

If you are reading this post, I have given one of my last two beads to someone special. If you are reading this, The Medic and I are now engaged. I couldn’t be happier. I’m looking at my future. And I’m looking forward to a future with my fiancé.


Going off of what I’ve heard from multiple Aspies, I can safely say that romantic relationships are really hard for them. They fall hard, and become attached really quickly. And when they’re dumped, they fall even harder. Because of the strong attachment and trust put into the relationship, it hurts; a lot. I’ve been extremely blessed to have my fiancé in my life. My hope is that all of my Aspie readers can have something like that too. I also hope that they can find love without all of hurt that I went through on my way to this point.





4 thoughts on “The Bracelet to the Future

  1. wow… truly moving, I wonder if I had read this (or something like it) back when I was in high school if it would have spoke to me… I am who I am because of my past, and might not be the same person if things had been different… I too would have lost at least my 1st 3 to someone other than my husband..

    • True, we cannot go back and change the past, but we can always use it to better our future. I HAD the bracelet, and I made mistakes. I fell in love with someone that wasn’t right for me, and I have to live with the decisions that I made. The Medic, or rather my fiancé, is the right one for me, and I wish that I could give him all the beads. He deserves so much more than I am giving him, but he seems overjoyed by what he’s getting, so I guess it’s all good.
      I hope that I can give a bracelet like this to my future daughter(s?).


  2. Yippee! Woo Hoo! and a zillion other corney sentiments, Allie-girl!! Trying to catch up with all my reading and went first to your blog and saw this. I am so excited and happy for you! You deserve the very best always.

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