Though my writing as well as my point of view on Asperger Syndrome is positive, I didn’t always think that way about it. In one of my recent visits to my old High School, a teacher from my sophomore year gave me a notebook full of my writing for her class. Looking over it, I found something I wrote about AS back when I was still unhappy with it. I know that there are people out there that have a hard time looking positively on having AS because of how it hinders their life. I’m posting this to show how much my life and my opinion has changed in the last four years. So, without further adue, here it is:
Monday, November 24, 2008
Asperger’s is considered a high-functioning form of Autism, I think. I have not been diagnosed by a professional, but by my mom. She told me about it last SUmmer, and since then she has gotten me a couple of books. Two of them are little stories that are at a third grade level, one of the books is a picture book, and another of the books had an insulting title. It was called “Pretending to be Normal.” My first thought when I saw that book was “Yea mom, great joke.” But it wasn’t a joke she made up. It was just the title of the book. I then thought, “Yea. Thanks for reminding me that I’m a freak.” The books that I have read say that Aspies don’t think like normal people. How do normal people think? We got the books on Saturday and since then it has been an emotional roller coaster for me, and I have been crying off and on and trying to hide my tears. I haven’t told many people because it’s embarrassing. I told my best friend who lives in Anacortes, but he isn’t here. I really need someone here that I see all the time. I need strong arms around me telling me that everything will be ok. My mom is gone for a couple of days, so I can’t talk to her about it. My dad is usually busy cleaning or working, so I can’t talk to him about it. There’s only so much I’m going to tell my sisters. It is amazing how you choose to conveniently use the “choose your topic” thing. It seems that whenever you do, I have a lot on my mind. I feel that I can really talk to you. Thank you. You are something all Aspies need, a friend and an understanding teacher. RIght now I need my long time friends and family to go through this big learning process.
Metacognitive Minute: I am truely grateful that I can tell you about this stuff and feel comfortable about it. I think I need to just deal with it and try my best to learn to be socially correct.
Being able to look back and see how much has changed since then brings tears to my eyes. Happy tears. I was confused and unhappy, but I got through it. Those of you that are confused and unhappy, you can change your perspective too. It may take time, but things will get better.