Faith

I haven’t written in a while for a reason. I’ve tried to write about other things, but this keeps popping up in my head and because of this, none of my other drafts have been completed. I feel that I need to write this so that it can be written and I will be able to move on and write many, many more posts.

I’m not writing this post to preach at my readers or to force my personal beliefs on them. I’m simply writing what is on my mind and my heart, as I always do. I realize that some will read this will not agree with me or necessarily like what I’m saying, but I’m going to say it anyways. I realize that there’s the possibility that some will read this post and never read another word I write, but I’m going to write it anyways.

I’ve not straight out said it, but I haven’t circumvented it either. I am a Christian. None of my posts have foul language in them. All of my posts are written with a positive point of view. Here are some of my beliefs so that you may better understand exactly what I’m talking about: I believe that Christ died on a cross for my sins as well as for all of your sins too. I believe that my heavenly Father has given me more help and more hope than any Earthly being could. I believe that God has helped me to learn the social things that my mother has been teaching me for years. I believe that praying and asking Him for the peace that passes all understanding has helped me to stay calm in situations that I would have otherwise freaked out and acted out. I believe that people with Asperger Syndrome can reach out and to help others, just like someone with Cerebral Palsy.

Recently, my Pastors read one of my posts. This post, I don’t know which one, stated that I will have AS forever. The Sunday after reading my post, my Pastor came up to me and proclaimed healing over me from AS. He told me that he didn’t want to hear me “claiming” AS over my life anymore. Now, at the moment that he was talking to me about his, my eyes filled up with tears as conflicting questions ran through my mind. I do believe that anyone can be healed of anything ailing them, but I wasn’t so sure that blogging to help myself and others was the same thing as claiming a disability over my life.

Here are some of the questions that ran rampant in my head:
• “Didn’t God, Himself, make me this way?”
• “Why do I need to be ‘healed’? There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with me.”
• “Is it something that I want to be healed from?”
• “Since God has a purpose for everything that He does and that He allows, what is His purpose in this?”

I then, with a very perplexed expression on my face, went to my mother to ask her about how I should react to this. She listened to my dramatic rendition of the conversation between the Pastor and I, listened to my questions listed above, and thought for a moment. Then she told me, “I think you need to take as much time as you need to, to really think about what he said. Slow down and digest the information, until you can wrap your heart and your head around it.”

I’ve thought on this and prayed on it for weeks. I do need healing, just as much as the next person. I’m not a perfect person, and there’s always room for improvement. Yes, I believe that God has given me the help and strength to be a better me and to follow social rules. Yes, I do have AS. Yes, I do believe that, one day, it’ll be as if I never had it because I’ll be so used to “normal” social interactions that it’ll seem like it comes naturally to me. It may be difficult, but I strive to be social and affectionate. It may be difficult, but other Aspies can do it as well. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with having AS. In fact, it’s a wonderful gift most of the time. I am saying, however, that Aspies don’t have to be awkward socially.

Aspies can learn and they can hold “normal” conversations. They can show affection and empathy. They can abide by social rules. It is possible. With Christ, anything is possible. He is the reason I’ve come as far as I have. He is the reason that most people that meet me have no clue that I’m “normal” or not. And it will be because of Him when I no longer have problems with social awkwardness. It is both probable and possible. I have faith that it is.

Sincerely,
Allie.

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2 thoughts on “Faith

  1. Sorry you had to get the flood of emotional that goes with someone, because of lack of understanding, having your aspie brain go into critical thinking mode about the reason for your existence. Being older and having more time to reflect has allowed me to observe that we fill some critical needs for society. I have been a first responder, an IT geek, military pilot and now I work with lower functioning ASD kids. I visit the blogs because I feel connected to other aspies. I like to pass on that you are exactly what you were intended to be not an NT with a disorder. Find your strengths and live them.

    • Thank you for the encouragement. I find that I also connect with other Aspies. It’s wonderful that you now help special needs kids. Thank you again for the kind comment. I’ll do that. Find my strengths and live them. 🙂

      Allie.

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