Alone Again

Everyone that knows an Aspie knows that they cling to what they know, to what they are familiar and comfortable with. I cling to my family and close friends. I go to the same places every week with very little variation. Of course, I don’t mind going some place to eat with a friend and I don’t mind going and doing something new with  my family. I just choose to stay in the places that I know most of the time.

For the past few weeks, my younger sisters and mother have been on vacation from school, so they have been home. I love to have them home so that someone is there when I come home from work. I have someone to talk to (in person), I have someone to snack with, and I have someone to just be there. I feel safe and comfortable with my sisters and my mom being home. However, come Monday, they will be going back into the routine of going to school and not being home for the majority of the day. I will come home to an empty house or wake up to an empty house, depending on the day of the week. I will be alone in my house. Again. Which means that I will probably find something to do to avoid going home to an empty house.  Again.

School is very important. They need to go to school. I understand that and I would never hinder their education. I just sort of feel lost without my family at home. In my empty house, I just can’t seem to figure out what to do with myself. The pieces of the universe fall apart and my mind is chaotic. I walk around aimlessly. I make food, which I am then not able to eat because it simply goes against my nature and seems very wrong to eat alone. When my family is home, I spend time with them or I spend time in my room. Their presence just seems to make everything right. The pieces of the universe fall into place and the chaos in my mind comes to order.

Simply put, I will miss my mom and my sisters very much when they go back to school.

 

Tentatively,

Allie.

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