High School Nightmare

High school may be difficult for the average teen, but it’s quite a bit more difficult for someone with AS. How I dealt with being in HS and having AS is completely different from the way others deal with it. Because of this, I have asked one of my friends, from my own HS, that has AS to talk about how it was for him.

Me: “Describe for me how you felt when you transferred to my HS.”

Kendrick: “When i transfered to soledad i was scared and nervous because i felt like im alone here besides from my sister being there. After she left i some how developed five friends for the rest of high school but i knew deep down i would never be like my friends ‘normal’.”

Me: “Did you know that you had AS when you moved to Soledad or did you find out later?”

Kendrick: “To tell the truth i believe i knew since i was in 7th or 8th grade. But i remember after i found out i tried to not believe it.”

Me: “Was it in HS that you came to terms with the fact that you have AS?”

Kendrick: “Ummm to tell u the truth idk i dont even think i really have come to terms with it but if i had to pick a grade i would say senior year.”

Me: “I see. Just because you had not come to terms with it, however, does not mean that the issues went away. Tell me some of the biggest issues you had because of AS.”

Kendrick: “The biggest issue i had was with english class and writting papers which i still have the problems as we speak. And my social skills”

Me: “The average problems of teenagers in HS is that they don’t fit in with certain social circles, but they usually find one they fit into. What about you? Do you feel it took a really long time to find your own little niche?”

Kendrick: “To tell the truth my group of friends werent really composed of any of that we just kept things real.”

Me: “Even after you found your group, did you feel sometimes that you did not belong there?”

Kendrick: “No i never really thought about it.”

High school, for me, was wonderful and hellish at the same time. It was a wonderful experience, getting to know more people and beginning my betterment journey. It was a stressful time with the pain of being disliked for no apparent reason.

I would become so excited about making a new friend that I would forget to watch what I was saying. I would say something stupid, strange, or offensive without intending to and that new friend would simply walk away. I, being a female and always having been sensitive, would cry in the shower so that my family wouldn’t hear me or cry myself to sleep. Rejection hurts. Rejection just made me feel more like a “freak” and like I would never fit in, no matter where I went.

That lonely feeling never went away, but it came less and less frequent over time. Being more careful and watching myself more carefully made making friends and not scaring them away easier. I made friends that accepted who I was and liked me because I was different. Readers, if I have any, Asperger Syndrom will never go away. The problems will be there forever. They can, however, be made easier. Talking to others with AS has helped me to come to terms with the fact that I have it. Talking to my friends about what it’s like to have AS helps them to understand me a bit better. Conversation may not come easily, but maybe trying to explain things or write them down will help you to deal with feelings that you have, help you realize that some things aren’t your fault.





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